If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
