If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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