I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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