She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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