Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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