I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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