Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
