dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Less talking, more tequila
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
