this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
