i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize