I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
