U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
