Farmville is her only friend.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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