mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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