i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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