I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
