tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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