When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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