I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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