This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
