Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
