i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
