just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
