saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Fuck appropriateness.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
