i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
