morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
