"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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