Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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