I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
