You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
