Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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