Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
