So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
