try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
