Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
