ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
