I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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