She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
