I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We are two peas in an std pod
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
