I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
MIDGETS
????
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
