his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
