Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
