thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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