why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
