guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
