Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
