If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
