I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize