how can u be prego again
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
