the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
