kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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