Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
