I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
