I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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