oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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