my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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