I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
