Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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