Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
