thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
