the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
