God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
