its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
