Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
