We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
