The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Can I color on your dick again?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
