shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
