So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
