my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
